Our Declaration of Independence From Jerry Jones

by - January 13, 2013 - Posted in FJJ News


When in the course of NFL events it becomes necessary for one fandom to dissolve the bands which have connected them with their general manager, and to assume among the powers of the gridiron, the separate and equal station to which the laws of the NFL and Roger Goodell entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of fans requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all fandoms are created equal, that they are endowed by the NFL with certain unalienable rights, that among these are high-powered offense, stingy defense, and the pursuit of a competent general manager. That to secure these rights, groups like Fire Jerry Jones are instituted among fans, deriving their just powers from the consent of the fans, that whenever any form of inept general management becomes destructive to the team and its fans it is the right of the fans to alter or abolish it and institute a new general manager, laying his foundation on such principles and organizing his powers in such form, as to the fans seem most likely to affect their team’s winning and success. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that general managers long established since the time of Jimmy Johnson should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that fans are more disposed to suffer, while the GM is sufferable, then to right themselves by demanding the general manager be fired. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same poor personnel decisions, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such a general manager and to demand a new general manager for the team’s future success.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Cowboys fans; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their general manager. The history of the present general manager of the Dallas Cowboys is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute idiocracy over these fans. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused to assent to common sense concerning personnel, the most wholesome and necessary for the fans’ good.

He has forbidden his coaches to help in finding suitable players of immediate and pressing importance.

He has refused to draft or sign young and competent offensive linemen, a right inestimable to the litany of big-name skill players he has employed.

He has dissolved coaching staffs repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the players and coaches.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to pick appropriate coaches; whereby the fans, incapable of helping, have been left exposed to all the dangers of invasion by the Giants, Redskins, and the like.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A general manager whose character is thus marked by every act which may define an idiot, is unfit to be the general manager of a storied franchise.

We, therefore, the Representatives of FIRE JERRY JONES, in GENERAL FANDOM assembled, appealing to the supreme owner of the Dallas Cowboys, do, in the name and by authority of the good people of Fire Jerry Jones, solemnly publish and declare that the Dallas Cowboys are and of right ought to be run by a general manager who is competent and skilled; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the old general manager and that all fan connection between them and the old general manager is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent social media members they have full power to levy social war on general manager Jerry Jones and to do all other acts and things which independent social media members may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of the Dallas Cowboys, we mutually pledge to each other our NFL lives, our NFL fortunes, and our sacred NFL honor.

Signed by ORDER and in BEHALF of the FANS,


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