Top Ten Jerry Jones Excuses for Not Winning a Playoff Game Since 1996

by - April 13, 2009 - Posted in Top Ten

10. Spent the cash for playoff bonuses on plastic surgery
9. Wanted to share more than a Thanksgiving tradition with the Lions
8. Champagne in the eyes stings too much
7. Dave Campo’s existential coaching philosophy states playoff wins only exist in ones mind
6. Needed to put the Valley back in Valley Ranch
5. Ray Donaldson’s retirement was a crippling blow
4. Turns out everything from “socks to jocks” does not actually include winning
3. Emmitt was saving his energy for the foxtrot
2. Success in playoffs would attract unwanted media exposure to the shy Cowboys franchise
1. It’s Tom Landry’s fault

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